Is the grass always greener?
We’ve all heard this old adage, and likely said it. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, this phrase is defined “something that you say that means that other people always seem to be in a better situation than you, although they may not be”.
Although they may not be.
I’ve noticed that working with clients and talking with friends, and even reflecting on my own stuff, it’s very easy to forget the last part– not everything may be as it seems.
With a social media deluge of perfection: fulfilling relationships, busy social schedules, toned bodies, happy families, sound health, adventurous vacations and successful careers, it’s hard to remember that no ONE human is really that….well….perfect.
It’s easy to compare ourselves to a singular virtual character that is the combined attributes of dozens of these individual perfect characteristics. No one can live up to this avatar. We all have unique experiences, strengths and values that imply where we want to spend time, what needs our attention, and how we define happiness and success. We are the sum of our choices thus far in life, and how we move forward is also within our own autonomy. We have a choice as to how we define success and happiness. This choice isn’t always easy to make.
Acknowledging there are differing spiritual beliefs reading this, I hope we can all find common ground in this notion rooted in Buddhism. In life, there are four conditions which cause suffering: birth, aging, illness, and death. No matter how popular, happy, wealthy, youthful or fantastic someone seems on the outside, no one is escaping these truths. In this construct, we are ALL equal.
Outside of these four truths, what’s left? What fills the space?
What’s left, then, are the experiences that make our time in this life worthwhile and rewarding.
- Self-acceptance, rooted in our own individual measures of success and riches, inspiring our own path and, sometimes, detours.
- Forging honest relationships with others, grounded in mutual support, offering insight and reflection on where we are and how we’ve arrived.
- Our unique strengths and values, which we innately know how to wield for good, helping pave a smoother road ahead, with more ease and joy along the way.
These bullets can sound surreal and unattainable, but for each of these notions, the answers and our ability to realize them, come from WITHIN. Being OK with yourself, finding your people, and tapping into the essence of who you are–these things don’t depend on status, followers, possessions or external accomplishments. They are ours to define and celebrate.
Through letting go of the assumption we are all traveling towards the same finish line, it also means we let go of some of the stress, anxiety and emptiness that can come from sitting in the backseat on someone else’s road trip, and ending up somewhere you never intended to go. We all have the freedom to pick our own route and navigate to the destination that is calling us.
In this week’s Wellness Wednesday we’ll talk about comparison, accepting it’s a part of life, and how to bring the spotlight back to ourselves. We’ll dig into how we use our own strengths and experiences to find a way towards what’s important to us. Please join if you’d like support, ideas and connection around owning and celebrating your own path forward.
I’d love to hear any ideas you have, support you may need, or questions on coaching in general. I’m at kellyg@kellygorder.com.
To the many paths forward…